Dealing with Difficult People

Sometimes it can be so easy to base our opinions of people on our own personal persepective without taking into consideration everything they might be dealing with in their lives, or the root beliefs and attitudes that are causing it.

My father always cautioned me to never speak ill of anyone that someone else thought well of in front of them. He said the reason was because my experience might be different from theirs and to try to get them to judge someone from any experience other than their own was unfair and would end up making me look bad in the process as well.

I have to admit, there have been many times when I did not like that advice and quite a few when I did not follow it! It can be so difficult sometimes to remember our experience may not be all that there is to someone and even then, our perceptions might be tainted by circumstances as well.

I recently read a great story detailing this concept that originated with Nelson Mandela.

Nelson Mandela was imprisoned for19 years on Robben Island. During his imprisonment, he sometimes faced difficulty in dealing with the officers with some being harder to deal with than others. One particular commanding officer was the most brutal of them all:

“A few days before Badenhorst’s departure, I was called to the main office. General Steyn was visiting the island and wanted to know if we had any complaints. Badenhorst was there as I went through a list of demands. When I had finished, Badenhorst spoke to me directly.
He told me he would be leaving the island and added: ‘I just want to wish you people good luck’. I do not know if I looked dumbfounded, but I was amazed. He spoke these words like a human being and showed a side of himself we had never seen before. I thanked him for his good wishes and wished him luck in his endeavours.
I thought about this moment for a long time afterwards. Badenhorst had perhaps been the most callous and barbaric commanding officer we had had on Robben Island. But that day in the office, he had revealed that that there was another side to his nature, a side that had been obscured but still existed.
It was a useful reminder that all men, even the most seemingly cold-blooded, have a core of decency and that, if their hearts are touched, they are capable of changing. Ultimately, Badenhorst was not evil; his inhumanity had been foisted upon him by an inhuman system. He behaved like a brute because he was rewarded for brutish behaviour.”

(Nelson Mandela, “Long Walk To Fredom”)

If only we could take this into more account in our daily lives and try to see the world through the eyes of our offender before judging them.

Zig Ziglar said, “Every obnoxious act is a cry for help”

Jesus said, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

It’s not always the easiest path, but it will make the path a lot easier.